So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
