I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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