I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
