watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
