He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
