gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
