Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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