my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
