All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
