OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
