The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
