I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
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Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
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My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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