Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
sarcasm needs its own font
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
