Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
