Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
