yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
