How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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