I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She's the barista slut.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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