I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
