i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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