Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
from now on my penis is your penis
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
