I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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