Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
