the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
