totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize