She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
