We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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