No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
