1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
the raccoons are back...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
