the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
