I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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