just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
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Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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