Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
