If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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