There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
