I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
