I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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