She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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