Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
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Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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