May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
