i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We don't watch enough power rangers
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
