shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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