If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
