my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
