You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
