bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Drunk is not a location!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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