you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
