I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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