I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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