Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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