You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
