here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize