You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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