We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
