I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
