I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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