he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
