; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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