kristin has been a bad kristin
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
