omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
