This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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