Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
