Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
