opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
