Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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