Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
