On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
