I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
