hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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