I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
