Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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