im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
